Sunday Roast Review: Glastonbury

July 16, 2010

On a big farm owned by a nice man called Michael
Anything you want
£3.50 and up
Roasting: 5.9/10

Roast meat stalls come in abundance at events like Glastonbury. So it makes sense that on day 4 of our sleep deprived, cider overloaded deboucherous rollercoaster of a journey at the greatest festival on earth, we have a roast. It is a sunday after all, I think.

Walking around on the northern side of West Holts, we somehow remember where a roast lamb stand is from the previous day. The beautiful aroma coming from the glistening golden carcass smells like heaven, and our empty bellies rumble simoultaneously in anticipation.

We all settle on the lamb roll, while Birdman branches out and settles on the lamb roll with veg. I like this plan as I get to try a potato, and it makes my photos look better. We get our rolls and sit down. I sample a new potato which is slightly undercooked and over-herbed. The carrots are good however, soft and sweet with good orange hues.

In my semi-inebriated state I have stupidly over mint-sauced my roll, so any lamb flavour that was there is instantly replaced by an overpowering warm minty tang. This isn’t helped by the fact that the carver has somehow managed to place 2 massive chunks of fat in my roll, so my roll is actually nothing more than a minty fat burger with the odd bit of tasty meat.

The meat that is there is tender and flavoursome, I verify this by taking a cheeky bite of Strips’ roll while she’s not looking. Nice gamey flavour, a bit chewy but the bun is good, although at £5 its barely bigger than your average bacon buttie. So not exactly a bargain.

Annoyed with my lamb fail I decide to stop at a hog roast stand on the way back. ‘Voted best Hog Roast in the UK’, swoons the big sign. I watch the rolls leaving this green and gold ministry of pig, stuffed high with roast meat and apple sauce, and decide one day I would like to be on the voting panel for hog roasts.

5 minutes later and I’m wrapping my gob around medium sized baguette overflowing with aromatic pork. The meat is melt in your mouth tender, warm with subtle spices and a generous serving, but ultimately it’s this meat that ends up carrying the rest of the dish. The gravy and apple sauce are bland and taste of pack mix, and fail miserably in combating the debilitating dryness of the baguette.

Any seasoned roll architect knows that measurements of sauce are paramount in creating a satisfying hog roast roll experience. This is the first thing you learn in Roast College. Hungover and standing in the heat, the last thing any festival goer wants to encounter is a dry baguette in the middle of a chronic sauce shortage.

We populate a shady space on a bridge and sit down to watch the world go by. Orbital are on tonight and I am seeing them. To my left the start of the Mutoid Waste Co vehicles appear, doing their final lap for the weekend. Suddenly I’m not ready to leave. The last 72 hours have left me breathless with excitement, and I would eat dry baguettes and warm minty fat burgers for the next year if it meant this wasn’t to be the last day…

Meat ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ (7)
Potatoes ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆ (4)
Veg ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆ (5)
Yorkshire (N/A)
Gravy ★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆(2)
Serving Size ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆ (5)
Menu Variety ★★★★★★★★★★ (10)
Service ★★★★★★★★☆☆ (8)
Atmosphere ★★★★★★★★★★ (10)
Value for money ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ (7)

Total Roasting: (5.9/10)

** I’d just like to add that overall the festival food at Glasto was amazing. The generally high standard and variety blew me away; it was fresh, and once you get away from the stands near the big stages it was very well priced. The only stands I felt that were missing was a decent burger and a proper burrito (cold chicken and salsa in a pita doth not a burrito make). Daddy Donkey and Byron, I’m looking at you. Get involved.


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